One With The Universe

Imagine being disgusted by your own existence Do you know how it feels to be broken?Feel worthless, like you are not important to anyone?Being told that you are just over reacting,attention seeking being called different names that are going to keep ringing in your head; combined with my own self destructive voices Not being able to do basic stuff, like get up or even go to school? Where being self-destructive is a norm? As much as I wanted to go school, my mind attacked me. It felt better to go to the bar and get too sloshed to the point where I forget my name, Anything just to get my head into wonderland. Self-harming just to feel anything else except this emotional pain that refuses to go. Everyone left me, but the pain never did. Imagine your own mind telling you it's not worth it, Bursting into tears because you are trying to fight it off, getting panic attacks in front of people, because all you hear are the voices and you think the voices are right. I remember when I preferr...

Amazing read, It's really one of the best books I have read.

Everyone wants to feel wanted, to feel loved, and most of all feel alive. But most are thrown around, beaten, crushed, broken to the point of being irreparable. Some cry, some cut, some burn, some smoke, some drink to drown their emotions, to kill the pain they feel deep in their heart.They ask to feel alive, but are treated as if they're a corpse, unnoticed, and dead.They try to find comfort from the ones they love, they try to reach for a hand, but the person they reach for , their grip is weak, and they let go. Letting the one fall, killing them more inside.Most of these people feel like monsters, feel like beast, feel like an animal inside.But to bleed, cry, and die just to feel alive is something no one should have to do.If to feel alive is to feel dead, what life are they truly living?You ask why they died? Maybe the writing, the cries, their constant begging of help would have been seen, if you used you ears, and not your eyes.A single a cry of your name, the begging of help...

I can't tell anyone, because who's ever going to believe an alcoholic who's not reliable. I also wonder, why they didn't believe me when I was five. I think people need to understand this, I am not okay as much as I wish I could be. I really just want to drink; going to school is a drag,being home is a drag, getting up, whether I am drunk, Hangover or sober, is a fucking drag. I am on the path of getting enlightened but the thing is I am  even failing at the basics, I am failing at anything I put my mind to, I fail to think proper, I fail to keep relationships ( all types) I fail at love, whether romantic or platonic or even family shiit. Oh, wait I know what I am good at, DISAPPOINTMENT. Mostly it's about disappointing myself, not anybody else. But I always get this feeling that people think I like being like this, that I am proud of being like this. It is tiring. I am tired. Explain to me how I am supposed to stay alive, when my very existence disgusts me.

"If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way" - Napoleon Hill "I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" - Thomas A Edison

''To have spirit means both to have some fire and to keep it under control. I means to accept and not be defeated by what we can do nothing about. It also means to rise to the challenge of doing what needs to be done.'' David Brazier ( The Feeling of Buddha)

5.The noble truth of Dukkha, affliction,is this: birth, old age, sickness, death, grief, lamentation,pain, depression and agitation are Dukkha. Dukkha is be being associated with with what you do not like, being separated from what you do like, and not being able to get what you want. 6. The noble truth of Samudaya, response to affliction, is this: it is thirst fro self-recreation which is associated with greed. It lights upon whatever pleasure are to be found here and there. It is sense for, being and non being . 7. The noble truth of Nirodha, containment, is this: it is the complete capturing of that thirst. It is to let go of, be liberated from and refuse to dwell in the object of that thirst.

He came into my life, gave me so much hope He had me thinking we should elope It's like I went bungee jumping , then he cut the rope We used to laugh together, but now I'm the joke I think of what he did and I just choke I am hurt confused and filled with complete shock How, why, Why being the biggest question Why didn't he tell me? Why did he let me fall? Why did I give him my all? He's happy, I'm left in the dust still learning how to crawl Yet I still find myself hoping for his phone call But in reality he is gone, Never coming back I am left to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart I have to pick my self up Whilst he picks his wife up

I was happy, of course happiness comes with a couple of problems. But to be be honest this time I thought I am going to be okay. So "Leo" was,my superman because he believed in me, I cared about him  Long story short, we had agreed to jump off a cliff, to be honest he DID tell me he is not sure about jumping. I still told him " don't worry , I'll still be here even if you don't". The thing is I jumped off, I hoped he would jump with me, but he didn't , Mostly I believed that even if there if there is no rope, he would at least stop me from jumping.. But instead he watched me jump and without a warning, HE HIMSELF cut the rope.. and my dumb ass is still here like, " I am still here". I am stupid and pathetic, SADLY. Regardless of the fact that he fucked me over in a way, I still wish him eternal love and happiness and love. P.S; ABI