One With The Universe

Everything I touch, I ruin. As much as I care about , my family. I always fuck up. Not intentionally. but I do. Mama G is always giving me so many chances, my sister and all my siblings I feel like they have all these expectations of what could have been,what I could be, but how do I live up to all those expectations when I do not believe in myself? How do I appreciate their love when I do not even love myself? As much as I want to.. I can't. I hate the fact that I can't explain how I feel to them, because I  feel every single time I try, it's nothing to them. It's not like I want to disappoint them , I want to be okay, I want to quit everything. I want to be perfect like my siblings but I am not. My mind does work theirs. They don't understand that the reason why I go out so much is that I am DISAPPOINTED heavily on myself, I keep thinking of how I long finished high school but my sibling is on her second year, she passed by me. I am jealous of the fact that as m...

Hey its been a while since I posted, I've been busy being "Happy".. A couple of months back I met this amazing person. He is nice , handsome, funny ( when I mean funny I mean he actually gets my bad jokes and to top it all of: his are worse) lol. I'll call him "Leo". Leo actually gives two fucks. He genuinely cares about me. He believes in me. I have never looked forward to anything in my life. I'd wake up and just want to drink then blackout. On some days all I think about is suicide. My anxiety would kill me so much ( it's still there: but a bit more controlled). I hated myself, my life , my whole existence, but things have changed. I look forward to try to improve my life, I want to be something,be someone.I actually try to fight this depression thing. He makes me want to better my life, I have become a little bit more confident. He thinks I am beautiful. I can finally be my real self, and he doesn't mind.  So is this what happiness feels l...