One With The Universe

Everyone wants to feel wanted, to feel loved, and most of all feel alive. But most are thrown around, beaten, crushed, broken to the point of being irreparable. Some cry, some cut, some burn, some smoke, some drink to drown their emotions, to kill the pain they feel deep in their heart.They ask to feel alive, but are treated as if they're a corpse, unnoticed, and dead.They try to find comfort from the ones they love, they try to reach for a hand, but the person they reach for , their grip is weak, and they let go. Letting the one fall, killing them more inside.Most of these people feel like monsters, feel like beast, feel like an animal inside.But to bleed, cry, and die just to feel alive is something no one should have to do.If to feel alive is to feel dead, what life are they truly living?You ask why they died? Maybe the writing, the cries, their constant begging of help would have been seen, if you used you ears, and not your eyes.A single a cry of your name, the begging of help...

I can't tell anyone, because who's ever going to believe an alcoholic who's not reliable. I also wonder, why they didn't believe me when I was five. I think people need to understand this, I am not okay as much as I wish I could be. I really just want to drink; going to school is a drag,being home is a drag, getting up, whether I am drunk, Hangover or sober, is a fucking drag. I am on the path of getting enlightened but the thing is I am  even failing at the basics, I am failing at anything I put my mind to, I fail to think proper, I fail to keep relationships ( all types) I fail at love, whether romantic or platonic or even family shiit. Oh, wait I know what I am good at, DISAPPOINTMENT. Mostly it's about disappointing myself, not anybody else. But I always get this feeling that people think I like being like this, that I am proud of being like this. It is tiring. I am tired. Explain to me how I am supposed to stay alive, when my very existence disgusts me.