"Happy"

Hey its been a while since I posted, I've been busy being "Happy".. A couple of months back I met this amazing person. He is nice , handsome, funny ( when I mean funny I mean he actually gets my bad jokes and to top it all of: his are worse) lol. I'll call him "Leo". Leo actually gives two fucks. He genuinely cares about me. He believes in me. I have never looked forward to anything in my life. I'd wake up and just want to drink then blackout. On some days all I think about is suicide. My anxiety would kill me so much ( it's still there: but a bit more controlled). I hated myself, my life , my whole existence, but things have changed. I look forward to try to improve my life, I want to be something,be someone.I actually try to fight this depression thing. He makes me want to better my life, I have become a little bit more confident. He thinks I am beautiful. I can finally be my real self, and he doesn't mind. 

So is this what happiness feels like? if it is then damn! I kind of like it. In fact I love it, I love him, I love the sex ( I literally got goosebumps just thinking of it) 😅, I love the conversations. True bliss I tell you,  but then again my anxiety tells me he just might leave me. I am scared that when/if he leaves maybe I'll go into downward spiral, back to square one.Back to being self destructive. 

Though I really hope through his teachings, that won't be the case. I hope that I'd want to be happy for me. I'd do anything for me, be successful for me. Maybe:hopefully he'll still be around when I reach my full potential. I just want to make him proud, Because no one has ever believed in me like he does. I thank the universe for him being in my life. ❤❤